Crossdressing and family
I know it is hard to tell or show this in the family or between friends. Prejudice, fears from the unknown are everywhere. I came out only for my girlfriend, because if I want her to be my future wife, I have to be honest with her. She is with lot's of fears, and she cannot say anything about the situation. Everything is ideal between us, except that.
I could live with this hiding from my entire family, but I cannot hide it from myself. As my girlfriend does not accept it, I feel double guilt having these thoughts. This guilt will kill me, I simply can't stand it for long. I tried severel times to stop crossdressing, to search for something different, to be less stressful, but the thoughts, the desire to wear some women clothes are emerging again and again.
Let's face my possible future:
- if someone discovers a cure for this. I will be very happy.
- if there is no cure, and my partner is acceptive. I'll have some clothes and private time with my partner in them.
- if there is no cure, and my partner is neutral. I'll have some clothes, but I won't wear them in front of my partner.
- if there is no cure, and my partner is not acceptive at all. I could live with her in marriage, but I would hide my feelings and desires, sometimes my actual wearing her clothes.
- if there is no cure, and there is no partner at all. I could buy and wear clothes at home or in public sometimes. I could possible commit suicide, without a reason to live for and without the acceptance of the sociaty.
I'll keep fighting with my demons, but I'm very tired of it. I tried to stop this, tried to "be normal" for years, but this is not what I'm capable of. My hope is a life without guilts, at least, not hiding them from everyone. I'll keep posting my thoughts, feelings and theories about crossdressing. Stay tuned.
I could live with this hiding from my entire family, but I cannot hide it from myself. As my girlfriend does not accept it, I feel double guilt having these thoughts. This guilt will kill me, I simply can't stand it for long. I tried severel times to stop crossdressing, to search for something different, to be less stressful, but the thoughts, the desire to wear some women clothes are emerging again and again.
Let's face my possible future:
- if someone discovers a cure for this. I will be very happy.
- if there is no cure, and my partner is acceptive. I'll have some clothes and private time with my partner in them.
- if there is no cure, and my partner is neutral. I'll have some clothes, but I won't wear them in front of my partner.
- if there is no cure, and my partner is not acceptive at all. I could live with her in marriage, but I would hide my feelings and desires, sometimes my actual wearing her clothes.
- if there is no cure, and there is no partner at all. I could buy and wear clothes at home or in public sometimes. I could possible commit suicide, without a reason to live for and without the acceptance of the sociaty.
I'll keep fighting with my demons, but I'm very tired of it. I tried to stop this, tried to "be normal" for years, but this is not what I'm capable of. My hope is a life without guilts, at least, not hiding them from everyone. I'll keep posting my thoughts, feelings and theories about crossdressing. Stay tuned.
posted by dressx | 14:41
4 Comments:
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Sean Cody
hey!
That is the problem with this subject... Our own deepest fears. You just never know if you don't tell. I think our own fear does the most damage to us, and after that, how much worse could it be? Sure, you may wind up alone for awhile, and no one likes starting all over again, but then you may just find out that you have someone you can count on totally.
I told her before our second date, because I thought she needed to know before getting more involved. And if it didn't work out, then at least there wasn't that much time or feelings invested for either one of us. I'd only be back where I started a couple of days before. Fortunately, she wasn't thrilled, but she does accept.
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